In the swinging society, couples exchange sexual partners or have group sex as part of their social activities. It’s termed “being in the lifestyle,” or LS for short, for being a member of this group. So, swingers regard their two-person relationships as romantically monogamous and sexually open, meaning that while their spouse is at the same event, they’re open to engaging in sex with other outside partners (or in the same room).
Due to society’s puritanical attitudes on sex, swinging (as well as other kinds of consensual non-monogamy) is primarily underground, with only those engaging in on the secret. Like many secretive communities, the swingers have developed their own slang to describe a variety of routine acts.. Coded terms like “wife-swapping,” “soft-swapping,” “hard-swapping,” and “complete swapping” are used to describe what these attractive adventurers are doing.
“Wife swapping,” which has some sexist implications, is one of these words that some people find offensive. Why isn’t this practice referred to as “husband swapping”? But I’m getting ahead of myself. The phrase “soft swap” might be a bit of a misnomer, so we’ll try to clarify it today. So, let’s look into it.
It’s unclear what a soft swap is.
A non-penetration partner transaction is referred to as a soft swap. In contrast, a “full exchange” suggests a hook-up that includes penetration.
According to swinging expert Claudia Aguirre, co-founder and vice president of Luxury Lifestyle Vacations, a five-star travel brand curating fantasy-like travel experiences, workshops, and cruises for sophisticated, sex-positive travelers, couples prefer’soft swap[ing]’ when they are new to the scene because it keeps some boundaries they have established between the two of them.
Couples may “develop from there to whatever[ever]passions and fantasies they want to explore in the lifestyle/swinging realm,” says Luxury Lifestyle Vacations’ Pepe Aguirre, co-founder and CEO.
Despite the fact that this description (and the resulting behavior) have validity, it should be highlighted that the language used to describe it is flawed. Despite the fact that there are many other forms of sex, why do we insist that penetration is the only “complete” form? If you’re a swinger, you may be wondering whether or not it’s time to stop using words like “P in V” or “P in V.”
Language, at its essence, serves as a means of defining limits.
In the context of defining limits, the phrase “soft swap” seems suitable. Penetration may be intimidating for some women who aren’t sure whether swinging is something they want to commit to as a way of life, whether it’s due to the possibility of an unintended pregnancy or the fact that it makes them feel more vulnerable.
As Claudia Aguirre puts it, she “100 percent advises” a gentle switch to any and all couples interested in learning more about the lifestyle. It’s common for “soft switch” couples to evolve into “full swap” couples as they get more comfortable and expand their horizons. At first, “we were a “soft swap” couple, but over the years, we became more comfortable having [penetrative sex]and exploring our sexuality in a variety of ways,” they write on their blog.
It makes a lot more sense if you follow this line of reasoning. If you’re looking for an easy way to tell individuals what they can and can’t do, “soft switch” may be the answer. It’s a means to promote mutual understanding and ensure the well-being of all parties involved.
No need to use the phrase “soft exchange,” argues Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a secret members club in New York City that welcomes sex and cannabis use.
As Saynt puts it, “We urge couples to be able to articulate precisely what they want from every meeting, and also what they do not desire.” There is no guarantee that another couple will be able to agree on the specifics of what a soft exchange implies even if they say they’re OK with it. Some swingers don’t kiss other partners, for instance.
The term “soft swap” will remain relevant until society as a whole decides that P-in-V sex is no longer the most important and valid way to do it. Changing the way we refer to sex activities may be possible after letting go of the patriarchal constraints that hold us in the P-in-V-centric paradigm.
While the swinger community has a lot on its plate, it’s obvious why this type of boundary-setting language is necessary to avoid being dubbed disloyal deviants who are going to hell. I hate to admit it, but “soft swap” is here to stay, despite my best efforts to promote diversity and inclusion.